Years ago, I watched the Oprah Show religiously. I would record the show daily so that I could watch it when I arrived home from work. I even took her challenge to write daily in a gratitude journal. That challenge changed my life. I became a more thankful, positive person and saw the beauty and goodness of what was all around me. At the end of each day, I would reflect and write down five things that I had been grateful for that day. One of my most favorite entries reflects the frustration of an overwhelmed mom: "Today, I am grateful that Ethan took a long nap so that I could mop the kitchen floor."
Now, I am in the same position as I was in more than thirteen years ago with little Ethan. I am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with all that I am not getting done with busy little William. I have decided to begin my gratitude journal once again. I know that this time with William will only happen once. I need to be more positive and allow the house to be a little cluttered, the dinner to be mac and cheese once in awhile, and the organization that I am so obsessed with to fall by the wayside occasionally.
I am also frustrated with life in general. I do not feel a part of my community outside of my "school" relationships. I believe that people are afraid to become my friend because I teach their children and that is a totally different relationship. I am looking forward to moving away from where I teach and developing friendships with people who know me as Staci and not Mrs. Moore. I need to feel a part of something, to enjoy having close friends, and to be included. I have not enjoyed going to church (and I have never been that way); in fact, I dread going! I want to experience that included feeling again. Our bishop spoke last week about how our ward is so good at including people. I have never felt that in the six years we have lived in the ward. With Larry in the bishopric now, I should feel differently, more included. But, I don't! He has close relationships in the ward now, but I do not. This is another reason that I need my gratitude journal.
I was given a new, red notebook for Christmas that says "Imagine" on the cover. I am looking forward to filling its pages with positive reflections and gratitude for all that I have been blessed with. I want to change my world. I want to bring beauty and life back into my eyes.
Entry #1: January 20, 2012
1. I am grateful for Larry. He took on one of my responsibilities today and lightened the stress I was feeling.
2. I am so thankful to work with people who have such a positive attitude. Today, I stopped by the school to take care of some business and felt lifted up by the time I left for home.
3. I loved my walk with William today. He loves riding in his stroller and seems to really enjoy our walks. The weather was beautiful and warm for January!
4. I appreciated Ethan's positive attitude when I asked him to do his chores before playing his video game. He jumped right on his chores!
5. I am grateful that Miranda and Taylor feel comfortable calling home to ask their mom and dad's advice about life or how to do something.
