Years ago, I watched the Oprah Show religiously. I would record the show daily so that I could watch it when I arrived home from work. I even took her challenge to write daily in a gratitude journal. That challenge changed my life. I became a more thankful, positive person and saw the beauty and goodness of what was all around me. At the end of each day, I would reflect and write down five things that I had been grateful for that day. One of my most favorite entries reflects the frustration of an overwhelmed mom: "Today, I am grateful that Ethan took a long nap so that I could mop the kitchen floor."
Now, I am in the same position as I was in more than thirteen years ago with little Ethan. I am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with all that I am not getting done with busy little William. I have decided to begin my gratitude journal once again. I know that this time with William will only happen once. I need to be more positive and allow the house to be a little cluttered, the dinner to be mac and cheese once in awhile, and the organization that I am so obsessed with to fall by the wayside occasionally.
I am also frustrated with life in general. I do not feel a part of my community outside of my "school" relationships. I believe that people are afraid to become my friend because I teach their children and that is a totally different relationship. I am looking forward to moving away from where I teach and developing friendships with people who know me as Staci and not Mrs. Moore. I need to feel a part of something, to enjoy having close friends, and to be included. I have not enjoyed going to church (and I have never been that way); in fact, I dread going! I want to experience that included feeling again. Our bishop spoke last week about how our ward is so good at including people. I have never felt that in the six years we have lived in the ward. With Larry in the bishopric now, I should feel differently, more included. But, I don't! He has close relationships in the ward now, but I do not. This is another reason that I need my gratitude journal.
I was given a new, red notebook for Christmas that says "Imagine" on the cover. I am looking forward to filling its pages with positive reflections and gratitude for all that I have been blessed with. I want to change my world. I want to bring beauty and life back into my eyes.
Entry #1: January 20, 2012
1. I am grateful for Larry. He took on one of my responsibilities today and lightened the stress I was feeling.
2. I am so thankful to work with people who have such a positive attitude. Today, I stopped by the school to take care of some business and felt lifted up by the time I left for home.
3. I loved my walk with William today. He loves riding in his stroller and seems to really enjoy our walks. The weather was beautiful and warm for January!
4. I appreciated Ethan's positive attitude when I asked him to do his chores before playing his video game. He jumped right on his chores!
5. I am grateful that Miranda and Taylor feel comfortable calling home to ask their mom and dad's advice about life or how to do something.
2 comments:
What a great idea, Staci! I'm amazed by all you do, and all the positive influence you have on others! I hope you feel more a part of things and more included! I love the line from the Emma movie about Emma being strong... you are one of those strong, elect women in my eyes! I'm SOOOO grateful to work with you, and I'm glad you have helpful kids at home! Love you to pieces!
I went through serious withdrawals of feeling included and part of something when I quit work. One of the things I cherished so much was our 3rd grade group and the fun and friendship we had everyday. You were so central to that and I was so grateful to be a part of it! I also love the idea of doing a gratitude journal and focus on the positives.
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